Diary of a Sexy Manbeast
by EyesTurnedSkyward1969
Summary: Awesome adventures in a non-awesome diary format.
1. The Unfortunate Beginning

August 8

Diary, Journal, Sunuvabitch, Dear Journal, You,

Gah fuck it

Dear… _diary_,

Ok, so… I'm not really sure what to say, but… hi? I guess?

Not like you can answer. Way to go, self.

Right, so… mom buys journal, acts like total bitch, tells me to write, hands me pencil… whala. walaa? woila? voila? viola?

…whatever

Point is, I don't wanna write in you, but God's word is law, and God says this is therapeutic and good for my mental health, so here I am. So… accordin to what evil bitch supa hata says, I'm sposed to write about shit… my day, my dreams… my feelings… which is _not_ happenin cuz there is a line- a large rainbow line which I am NOT crossing. This is already dumb as hell, an im not makin the situation worse by gayin it up with my feelings, mother-god-thing be damned.

Sooo…. School. Yeah. Yawn. I guess it's… normal? I mean… how to describe school… it's like any other school, purdy much, only it's freakin _full_ of people from, like, everywhar. There's this Italian guy who curses like a flippin sailor and his idiot brother who acts like a chihuahua on speed (only less scary. Seriously, those things can _bite_. My aunt had one- Foofie. Little bastard bit me on the ankle and made it _bleed_. Fun-sized piece of shit…they work for the devil, I swear…)

And then there's this tall ass Russian guy who is, no kidding, scary as fuck. Scarier than Foofie, even. Like, take the guy from that horror movie with the elevator and the screaming and…and… oh God, I'm gonna have nightmares tonight. Anyways, multiply that by 5, and you got yourself a big-nosed Russian douchbag (aka Ivan). Like, fo serious. Watch yer back…

Cuz he's climbin in yo windows, he's snatchin yo people up, tryin'a rape em, so ya'll need ta- ahhh get out of my heeeead. Damn you auto-tuned black guy, why must you haunt me?

So, ehm… where was I? Oh, Right! K, so. Crazy-ass Russian, check. Annoying Italians, check. French pedo-bear….. right. The Frenchie… Francis is… the most perverted thing since Michael Jackson's dog's sister's niece twice removed, and that's pretty damn perverted, if anyone's wondering.

Damnnn… get it together brain. This is a journal. JOUUUURNAL. It can't talk back….. yakity yak. Haha. Love that show. Where did it even go, anyways? Seriously, that show was da bomb.

Ahem. (Written ahems are also da bomb, fyi ((before ya buy~)). As I was saying. If anyone were ta climb in your windows, it'd be him. He's, like, the definition of creepy as hell. Enter an alleyway, and Francis will be there. To comfort you. With sex.

HE'S A CREEEEPER DDDXXXX

Do not attempt communication unless you have a ranklin for some good old fashioned family fun. Traumatic life-long mental scarring included.

And fer serious, where are all these commercial references coming from?

Cruuuuuunch

…THE WORLD MAY NEVER KNOWWW O_O

Right, so. Next up, Bombshell Russian Barbie.

Man, sounds like the title of a porno. And dear God, I'm totally imagining Ivan in a hot pink Barbie bakini right now. Tell me that isn't scarring. Oh God… now he's strutting down a runway… now he's petting his poodle… which is white…

actually… that sounds kinda like a perverted joke…

…

…

Aha. Haha. BAHAHAHAHA.

Make that poodle a chiuaua and you bet your ASS that's a perverted joke.

TAKE THAT IN YOUR BALLSACK IVAN

Waaaait… dick… chiuaua… chiuaua sized dick… damn. Ok, let's say comparatively Alfred's dick is the size of a fucking GREAT DANE. ON STEROIDS. IN TEXASSSS.

And the day is saaaved. Close call Al, close call.

Anyways. Enough about Ivan's tiny ass dick.

Alright, so…I'll sum Katyusha up in one quick word.

Boobsboobsdamnthemissomeboobs. (Yes, that was totally one word.)

Katyushas breasts are like… wow. Just wow. If that chest isn't God's gift to mankind, he seriously needs to get his priorities straight. I swear, if I could legally marry a girl's cleevage, it'd be Katyushas. You can hear those beasts bouncing from a mile away. And I know that SOUNDS like an exaggeration, but… holy hell, it's _not_. I timed it. I fainted. IT WAS INSANE.

Aaannddd… yeah. That's all I got.

Thumbs up for double g's :D

Right, so, next person. Let's see… ah, got it.

Gilbert. Gilbert is one bad ass motha fucka. And by that, I mean one not-quite-as-bad-ass-as-alfred-but-still-pretty-bad-ass-mutha-fucka. He is the cheese and there is no denying it. IF THE CHEESE WERE SPAWNED FROM THE DEVIL, DIGESTED BY RATS CARRYING THE BLACK PLAGUE, SHIT OUT, LEFT TO ROT IN THE SUN FOR A FEW MONTHS, REDIGESTED BY A PACK OF BOVINES WITH MAD COW DISEASE, PUKED UP ON SOME SWINE FLU RIDDLED PORK PRODUCTS, AND THEN SENT TO GROCERS ALL OVER THE WORLD, CAUSING A HUGE WAVE OF MAD COW, BLACK PLAGUE, AND SWINE FLU TO SIMULTANEOUSLY WIPE OUT THE HUMAN RACE. Gilbert+Alfred=INTENSE AND VIOLENT HATE. He is NOT the cheese. If he were cheese, I would have to kill myself. If anything he's… spoiled milk. Or rotten yogurt. THAT MUTHER FUCKER. Speaking of cheese…

Is that…steak?

…OHMYGOD IT IS. THAT IS SOME FUCKIN STEAK. God, if mom ain't grillin me some delectable slabs of cow, kill me now.

…

I will take that as a yes. fuckin SCOREEE.

Ah mannn, it smells like heeeeaven. If heaven smelled like burgers and steak, I'd totally go there. Otherwise... no Al, don't even think of that. You've cried enough.

Heaven without burgers isn't heaven, it's HEEEELLLLL. Get that through your thick divine head, God. H.E.L.L. With a capital H.

Now, if Hell smelt like steak… now there's a thought…

Y'know, death would probably make a person really hungry. I mean… all that moving on business, running back and forth from God to Satan trying to figure out where the hell you belong… and just the actual death would be a killer… Oh my gods that is the awesomest pun ever. But anyways, you'd definitely have some rumblies in the tumbly after all that supa hard deathy work. And then, you would get ta mother fuckin HEAVEN (hopefully), and you'd be like, Take that Mom! Told you I wouldn't see you in Hell! And then… THERE WOULD BE NO BURGERS TO STAVE OFF THE HUNGERRR - DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNNNN. It'd be like my worst nightmare come true…

Man, heaven is sounding more and more like hell all the time.

In fact… why should I even put up with this bullshit? I can't! I won't! This cruelty must end!

Down with heaven! Up with Hell! Ask for a fast ticket to the place with the fire, cuz the devil makes a mean patty. Unlike God, that pussy. He's probably European. Or gay. Or both. Probably both.

GOD, WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN HIDING FROM US? :OOOOOO

Well Satan, fire up the grill and ice the beer, cuz Alfred F. Jones and his legion of followers are headed your way.

Hell FTW!,

Alfred F Jones (who still hates this dumb ass journal, by the way. STARVE IN HEAVEN YOU PIECE OF SHIT.)

* * *

><p>AN: Ok, wow. This is… so offensive, I'm not even sure what to say. How about some disclaimers so I don't get flamed to kingdom come? I don't have anything against gays, Christians, Christianity in general, Europeans in general, Frenchmen, Russians, or anything else that may have appeared offensive. Aaaaand to an extent neither does Alfred. It's more the specific people, and honestly, if he's supposed to be America, shouldn't he be at least a little racist? I maintain that this is an AU, but he should have the characteristics, you know?

Also, spelling and grammar mistakes are intentional. It's supposed to be a written diary. Alfred isn't the smartest crayon in the box (though of course he's acting stupider here than he actually is… though not by much lulza) so, ya know, thanks for pointing it out, but it is on purpose.

Yeah, so anyways, this is going to be a story about Alfred's life as a teenage boy. Sometimes it will be serious, but mostly just humorous. Ehm… updates won't be too regular, at least I don't think they will, cuz I'm fairly lazy, and all around not prone to updating. I have some scenes written out, but… yeah, just some. We'll see how it goes.

Oh, and there will be USUK later on. Just so you know.

Oh right. Actual Disclaimer. Don't own APH (yah, no dip Sherlock)

I'm sure you know what im going to say now, but I will say it anyways; please review :D Reviews are awesomeness, and awesomeness is… awesome.


	2. The Unfortunate Continuation

August 15

Diary,

So it's been a week, and mom isn't letting up on this. Sunavabitch.

I thought, give it a week, Al, she'll get over herself. She'll come to her senses and realize that Alfred FUCKIN Jones doesn't write sissy-ass journals, or dress up in frilly polka dot dresses and drink tea at a quarter to flippin noon, or go shopping at the Limited Too with his 'girl friends'. Alfred F Jones is a MANLY MAN. A macho macho mutha fucka with giant-ass muscles and a dick of freakin epic proportions and fuckin sexier abs than The Situation on Jersey Shore. Not that I watch it or anything. Course not. (Seriously, though. Why is his name The Situation? What situation? Herpes? Cuz I'm pretty sure he has that.)

So yeah, here I am. Again. God why do you haaate meee? Nobody hates Alfred F Jones! Except my mom. And Ivan. And that Cuban guy, though I don't even know why. Seriously. I'm SO. FUCKIN. NICE. And hawt. How could you NOT love me? I know I do.

You know what. Fuck this. I'm going to make a list, and everyone is going to flippin follow it! Worship it. Build a shrine for it. Make love to it. I don't give a flying fuck. JUST DO IT.

Alfred's Ten Commandments of Doooooom

1) Thou shalt love that which Alfred loves.

2) Alfred loves Alfred, therefore EVERYONE loves Alfred. With a fiery passion.

3) Alfred, as a sexy beast, should be revered as a God for his absolutely heavenly body.

4) Thou shalt not EVERRRR doubt Alfred's awesome heroicness, nor his ability to give a good lay. Especially the last one.

5) Thou shalt also revere Alfred's almighty dick like the God it is. Matter of fact, build a shrine for that too.

6) …wait, no. Don't build a shrine for Alfred's dick. That's creepy. And how the flip would you get the pictures? …O.O Eeeeewwwww

7) Thou canst feel free to talk about Alfred behind his back, so long as it's something along the lines of, "Alfred's utter and total smexy man-beastlyness is BLINDING," or "I don't think I can go on any longer without Alfred's awesome dick sexing me up . With my twin. Who's blond. And English." Anything else is STRICTLY FORBIDDEN *-*

8) Aaaaaaand… I can't think of anything else. So I guess it's just gonna be Alfred's Eight Commandments of even Doomier Doom. Originality ftw!

So yeah. Follow the rules bitches. OR FACE THE CONCEQUENCES. Aka DEATH. IN HEAVEN. You'll be all like, "Alfred! How could you be so CRUUUEL?" An I'll be like… well, I don't know what I'll be like, but trust me, your ass will be BLOWN. AWAY. Like a clown from a fuckin cannon. You will be that mother fucking clown and you will LUV it. Because Alfred loves it. You see how that works? You see how Alfred is always right? Oh! Ha! Another one!

Alfred is ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYSSSSS a thousand times ALWAYS right. Nothing he does or says is EVER wrong. Don't question. Ever. YOU WRONG FUCKA.

THERE! FUCK YEAH! It is officially:

Alfred's Nine Commandments of the Doomiest Fuckin Doom Ever. Doom.

Mwahahahahaha! Bow world, bow and kiss the awesomeness that is Alfred's ass.

Is it weird that I refer to myself in the first person sometimes? NO. IT'S NOT. BECAUSE EVERYTHING ALFRED DOES IS ABSOLUTELY CORRECT.

Man, it's only been a few minutes and already these rules are coming in handy. I amaze myself sometimes. All the time. Constantly. The very thought of me makes me jizz in my pants.

WHICH REMINDS ME

Ok, so today, I was walking in the hallway, minding my own business, when who should walk up but that sunavabitch Francis. And that dumbass (but still amazing!) song by Lonely Island… uh, I dunno the name, like, The Creeper or something, had been runnin on rewind through my head like mother fuckin Replay all day, and I got this mental image of _Francis_ doin The Creep when he came outta his mom's va-j-j, and I swear I almost flippin DIED from laughing so fuckin hard. And he was all like, "Eh, Alfred, what are zu laughing about?" An I was all like, "Your mom's" laugh laugh "vagina." An he SLAPPPED me across my FACE. My mother fuckin FACE. I mean, yeah, I know, it wasn't the smartest answer, but… dude, I have to look beautiful with that thing! Which is difficult with a big red frenchie handprint on it.

So anyways, I know what your thinking. "Alfred, no! You have to be fucking me! You're lovely face without which I would have no reason to wake up in the morning?"

Yeah. That face.

Don't worry, I felt the same way.

No worries though. Alfred F Jones is not not one to take a slap to the face lying down. No. Alfred F Jones is a VENGEFUL BASTARD. An you sure as hell betta believe imma be on that shit like mutha fuxin Donkey Kong.

Bout ta get my bitch awn,

Alfred F Jones (who is still in hate with you, just to be clear)

* * *

><p>AN: K well here's the next chapter. I can't even remember what to disclaim in here, so... anything offensive, please take no heed. Oh, and don't own The Creep.

Anyways, not going to school, i've been REALLY bored lately, soooo I really just have no inspiration for future chapters. Buuuuut soon as school let's back in i will totally be ready to rock n roll. No worries.

Umm just quick explanation... my mood (and therefore writing style) changes a lot, due to watching certain things, and it shows through. For instance, i wrote the first chapter after watching a whole lotta Luan Legacy. This was written, I think, after reading Forrest Gump. Just... different things will cause different writing styles, and so the mood of the story will often change, though probably not in a large, blazingly obvious way. Just a heads up :)

Oh, and i need help with a better title. Any ideas?

One last thing; seriously people? are you all just crap at typing? or do you all have no fingers, perhaps? just wondering. even a few words are nice, yeah? thanks to those who DID comment, and even those who followed or favorited, but... yeah, it'd be appreciated.

Don't own.


	3. Use Your Ed

August 18

Dear Diary,

So I was watching Sesame Street today (only cuz Mattie was!) and turns out, it's the annoying little ORANGE fuzbag that's slept with, like, everyone. Whut. A whore. Still, Abby Cadabby the little pink fairy (I feel really stupid writing that) is ANNOYING with a capital… ANNOYING.

There's a pink baby monster too, but… that's a little disturbing to think about.

Seriously thou, why do ALL of their voices have to be so god damn nasaly? They sound like Justin Bieber on Helium. Honestly, the only girl monster I can stand is that Rosy one. She's at least a _little_ bad ass, what with her guitar and NON pink fur (seriously, way to be sexist sesame street people). Though I think its ironic that the only female monster without orange or pink fur is named the Italian word for pink. Whoa, wut?

Yeah, no kidding.

I mean, who do you think was in charge when they made _that _decision? Cuz they aren't anymore, I'll bet you that. My best guess; a Mexican on juana. Or maybe a Texan on LSD. Same diff, really. Either way, major mof-points from me.

Honestly, if you wanna lay eyes on a FUCKIN AWESOME show, watch some Arthur. Never in my LIFE have I met someone who doesn't like Arthur. Anyone that doesn't is a JERK, straight up. a H-A-T-E-R. Get _along _with beach Arthur, don't _hate on_ beach Arthur, ya bunch of childhood killers. Arthur is the bombdiggity, and whoever thinks different can shove it up their ass.

Speaking of, where did all those awesome old shows go? And im not talking about PBS here, im talking about the real maccoy. I'm talkin CatDog, Johnny Bravo, Cow and Chicken, Ed, Edd n Eddy, Angry Beavers. Hell, even Powerpuff Girls. Those shows were fucking AMAZING. Sure, they still run a marathon of Dexter's Laboratory every now and then, but where's the fun in that? I wanna see those shows back on the air! Fo serious homeys. The only thing that even COMPARES is Adventure Time. That show takes ya back to your _roots_. I can still give Cartoon Network a lil slack though. At least they haven't _completely_ gone to the dark side and stopped making animated cartoons all together. Instead they just make not quite as _good_ cartoons. Nickelodeon, on the other hand, can EAT IT. How in the world can you replace an amazing show like _Rugrats_ with a SHIT show like iCarly? THOSE BABIES CAN FUCKIN TALK. Can Carly talk? Yeah, sure. But does anyone want to HEAR her talk? HELL TO THE NO.

I DO NOT care about crappily written teenage 'angst'. Twilight was enough for me. Hand to God, it was. And yet it just keeps slappin me in the face. AGAIN AND AGAIN. LIKE A BIG TEN DAY OLD MACAREL THAT YOU LEAVE SITTING ON THE KITCHEN TABLE TO JACK OFF TO WHEN YOU'RE LONELY AT NIGHT AND MARTHA STUART JUST ISN'T DOIN IT FOR YA.

STOP SHOVING REALITY TV DOWN OUR THROATS YOU WHORES. IT HURTS AND IT TASTES LIKE SHIT.

I mean, what would you chose diary? Chuckie, the adorable tyke with the carrot top, or Sam, the blond with the bitch sindrome? Tommy, the cute bald headed leader, or Freddy, the annoying door mat who kisses the blond with the bitch syndrome DESPITE the fact he claims to be in LOVE with Carly. And I CAN NOT stand the god damn fake laughter. I mean, they don't even have different laughs. I think at most there are TWO. Fucking TWO. In the old toons, you don't even fucking NEED pretend laughter from an audience you KNOW is not there. The viewer can do it for their frickin _selves_. I don't need YOU to tell ME when and where to laugh. Thanks, but I learned that watching Courage the Cowardly Dog.

So ya know what producers? Eat my color cordinated light trail and suck my fuckin jawbreakers. I. WANT. MY. SHOWS. BACK.

Seriously wishing I had a fence post,

Alfred Jones, the one-man army (and yes, that is totally a THREAT)

A/N: Now, before all you Sesame Street aficionados out their start jumping down my throat, yes, I KNOW Betty Lou is pink also, along with two of the twiddlebugs, and Dahling von Dahling, friend of the Count, and Prairie Dawn, who is, if possible, the most annoying of all, and best friends with the SECOND most annoying of all, Zoe. No flack bout that, I know my stuff.

There are TONS of show references all up in this bitch- 5 to be specific. They are almost all in the last few sentences, just as a clue. Props to anyone who can name which quotes go to which show, and SUPER PROPS to those who can name the episode and/or person who said it.

One show from Cartoon Network I did not site but still LOVE is I AM WEASEL. Seriously, great show, even if it is just a spin-off of Cow and Chicken.

Oh right, quick disclaimer. I do not own any of the shows on Cartoon Network, Nickelodeon, or PBS, Twilight, APH, or Sesame Street (is it bad that I kept having this nagging feeling telling me to shorten it to SS while writing this? Yes. Yes it is. I'm a horrible person.) Oh, and no offense to anyone who is at the moment highly offended. Sorry bout that :]

Quick fact; the pilot episode of Powerpuff Girls was named, "Whoopass Stew! – The Whoopass Girls!" Take that FCC!

One last thing, and this is most important so READ THIS PEOPLE;

Thank you guys SO MUCH for the reviews (and faves/follows). I mean… I wasn't kidding, they really do mean a lot. Who knew you all could be so nice? Seriously, I was expecting a shit-ton (I absolutely hate that word ((and yet I still use it. MWAHAHAHA.) of flames, and yet I've gotten none. I LOVE YOU ALL. I LOVE YOUR BABIES. I LOVE YOUR DOG. BUT I LOVE YOU THE MOST. *-* So here's a quick shout-out;

Love and sparkles to; _TheByeGirl_, _Mothy.D_, _x. waitingforthevan .x_, _princesspug_, _MOTHY.D_ AND _X. WAITINGFORTHEVAN .X_ AGAIN :DDD, _Hitsu4HinaEva -Hari-Sama_, _awils115_, , _OMGitsgreen_, and _Soul and Heart_. You all are so great. Thanks again :)


	4. Gazellazellaround

August 23

Dearest Diary,

So mother nature is on her period again, cramps n bloating n all, n she is out for blooood. There's been tornadoes… flying cows… shitty ass relationship development… basically, it's Twister all over again. Actually, it's exactly Twister all over again. Imagine that ;3

On the bright side, tho, we got outta school early, n I came home n played xbox and, as usual, beat gill's ass (even tho he hacks like a mother fucker) and, as usual, sucked Kiku's (but only at Japanese games, which are totally lame anyways).

N then it got late n the power went off n I was like "noooooooes!" (noses are love) but then I realized this was the PERfect time for a one-man get down featuring Alfred and his absolutely to die for dance skills. so I run upstairs and grab a candle n light er up, find my ipod, and strip down to my boxers (cuz honestly, what peeping tom is desprate enough to watch me dance parshally naked in the middle of a tornado? Well, not counting Francis, of course, but that's kinda a given).

So I start blasting the music n beasting around like the hawt piece of ass I am (why is it ok to say hot piece of ass but not hot piece of dick? I mean, they're in the same general area- it's just one is used for taking and one is used for giving. Well, if ur gay that is. Or have a one night stand with a dildo. Or perhaps several stands with a dildo. Or even multiple dildos…)

But I digest. So I'm gazellazellinaround, looking pretty damn great, if I do say so myself, when suddenly, I start gettin _super_ frickin hot. I mean, this ain't your normal hot. This is polar bear in Texas hot. Like, so hot i feel i'm gonna die. So I go to turn the fan on, and guess the fuck what? It ain't even fuckin working. Yeah. Who knew? Apparently when the lights go off, so does the ac.

An I'm like… shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit. But then it occurs to me that I seriously don't give a damn. And I start dancing again. And I come pretty damn close to fainting. But it was still pretty damn great.

Deffinitely one of the funnerest nights ever in existence period.

Oh, and did I mention my parents weren't home? You shoulda seen the look on mom's face when she walked in my room to tell me to shut my music off XD

She won't be forgetting that again soon.

Lotto love,

Alfred Crotchgrab Jackson

A/N: Well hello there ladies and gents :D Sorry about the super long wait, but… meh, school is tough. Expect most updates to be like that from here on out. Um, just fyi, I've gone back and taken out all the years from Alfred's posting dates. This is because I don't really want this to become intertwined with actual history. Like, I don't want to have to write his reaction to different things going on in the world, because it will invariably be MY reaction, and I hate it when other writers do that, so I'm not about to start. Basically, if I say something has happened, it has, and that is that. No complaints.

Quick explanation: I think instead of 'digress' Alfred would think it was 'digest' and make a complete idiot of himself… so ya. There ya go.

And I know some of you may think this chapter is based off of the intense storms in meh dear old state of Tennessee, but this was actually written a while back, during all those tornados rampaging the south.

Oh, and just to alert you all, my name is going to be changed to "EyeIzAwezum" or something of that nature :)

Dank an: _TheByeGirl, .x, Original509, Soul and Heart, Hitsu4HinaEva –Hair-Sama, o0DeeDee0o, OMGitsgreen, and Mothy.D_

You all are so great :3


	5. Cats, Brits, and Other Oddities

August 27

Dearly Beloved Diary,

Why does that remind me of funerals…

Anyways.

You will never believe what I walked in on today. No seriously. You will NEVER believe what I walked in on today. Take a guess.

Wrong.

So I'm in the middle of working out some equations when, whadaya know, I suddenly gotta pee. Bad. Which really isn't all that surprising, cuz for some reason algebra just makes my bladder all tingly, and honestly it gets pretty annoying when every time you look at a parabola you get a flash flood down in the riverbed.

So me n Little Mackie head to the john to, you know, do what you normally do when you go to the john, and I open the door, and I'm busy tryin to get my fly undone (those things are tricky little bastards when you're bladder's about to explode) and I finally get it down, and I look up… and my cat is sitting on the toilet seat.

No. I'm not even kidding.

Thing is… he's not just sitting on the toilet… he is USING the toilet.

That is some weird shit right there.

In other news, there was a new guy at school today, and good golly miss molly, people just wouldn't stop talking about him. It was all "sexy accent" this and "monster eyebrows" that, every flipping place I went. And the thing is, I never even got a look at the dude! Good lord, you'd think he'd at least have the decency to show himself to the awesomest guy in the place. I think he's in my chemistry class though, so no worries. He'll get to know my beastly Americaness as sure as my name is Alfred FUCK YEAH Jones.

AND HE WILL LOVE IT.

Until then,

Alfred OUT

A/N: Howdy fellas. Long time no update :D Sorry this one isn't much good, buttttt we do get the first glimpse of Arthur. Which I am excited for. I feel like maybe it's a bit soon, but… eh, fuck it.

So some of you must of heard about people training their cats to use the toilet, right? RIGHT? I just imagine Alfred's mom as one of those creepy cat fanatics. Thus, his cat can use the bathroom. Speaking of, any ideas for names?

Anywho, thanks so much for the reviews. I SERIOUSLY appreciate it. I honestly wasn't going to continue, but… guh, I felt bad about it, and you guys have shown a lot of support, so I figured I should keep calm and carry on and all that good stuff. Oh, and sorry the chapters are getting so short, but it IS a diary. I promise I have some long ones planned for the future :D Oh, hey, quick question. Does anybody have an Xbox and play Black Ops? Cuz… I like makin friens :}

Ah, lastly, I've changed my name to EYEIZAWEZUM, cuz, well, obviously, I am awesome.

Disclaimer: FUCK ME, I DON'T GIVE A DAMN.

Muchas gracias a: Xx Pink Lover xX, Hitsu4HinaEva –Hari-Sama ((why the fuck is your name so long O^O), YuugisGirl, Mello-The-Melon, xXSubwayZoMbIeSxX ((I approve this message), Mothy.D, und meine liebe ((that is probably so wrong)), TheByeGirl.

PS: You don't have to answer this, but what's everyone wearing for Halloween? I'm being cowboy!Alfred XD.


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